8:30am Porridge and blueberries. Don’t have time for coffee and anyway – don’t want coffee breath for the dentist.
11am Huuuuungry. Oatcakes and cheese.
1pm Two perfectly poached eggs on toast with spinach and cherry tomatoes.
2:30pm Try to find some full fat Greek yoghurt – you know that brand called Fage? I know it’s pronounced differently, but it always reminds me of the term ‘fadge’ which was used in 2008 by Northamptonian year 9 girls to refer interchangeably to both our vaginas and each other (eg, ‘Oi, fadge! Come here!’, ‘My fadge hurts!’ or, as relayed to me by my best friend, ‘He fingered me in the fadge.’). Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. I can’t find any full fat yoghurt, have to have fat free. Sad.
3pm Gym. Run 3.5 miles. I’m training for a race, by the way. I’m not just mad keen on the gym. I’m not a sociopath.
4pm Ra. Ven. Ous. Just want some cake, for fuck’s sake. Have a weird craving for orange squash and I’ve never liked orange squash.
4:30pm Put more peanut butter on a slice of toast than anybody could ever want. Except me, obviously. I prove this to be true by eating more from the jar when I’m done with the toast. It’s a good thing this isn’t about weight loss, because nobody could lose weight while eating this much peanut butter.
8pm Go to a friend’s house for dinner. She has offered to cook and I type out a message explaining that I can’t eat refined sugar or white carbs and I’m so sorry and she doesn’t have to cook for me and I could bring my own food or we could just have tea blah blah blah… remember that she’s vegan. She’s used to dietary requirements. Delete the message and type ‘Sounds amazing – can’t have sugar or white carbs so I’ll bring some brown rice! :)’.
9:30pm Food takes ages but is amazing and so nice to cook together. Sweet potato, chickpea and cashew nut curry. Get in me. I eat loads.
Midnight Get home hungry. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Is this normal?
Star rating: ★★★★
Wait – what’s this about? So glad you asked. Let me tell you.